Category: Personal

It’s a little bit weird seeing everyone so busy buying items for exchange gifts and preparing for Christmas party while I am busy paying bills, thinking about what to serve on the table and buying what my children and husband needs. Well, you see, I have been a corporate slave since 2001 and my body seems to be looking for that Christmas rush. I may still have a couple of things to buy this Christmas like gifts for family, relatives and godchildren, not to mention Santa Claus’ list for Zach, (Marcus already knows about it so he just gets a gift from me) but there’s no rush for it, knowing that I have all the time in the world.

This made me realize that being a full time housewife is a lot more serious decision than I thought it would be. Being at home and not knowing when to be back in the corporate world (that is if I’ll ever be back), the world I have known for many years, is like losing that grip of who I am as a person. Or should I say who I used to be for so long. I did not realize that changing careers would be like changing personalities.

Staying at home is a lot more complicated, though compensation is beyond monetary terms. You don’t get any appraisal at the end of the year, meaning you don’t get any feedback of how you are as a mother and wife. I guess those can be realized after you see your children grow up and learn who they come to be in the future. Risky, yes, but when they start telling stories to you like a friend does to another or just kiss and hug you for no reason at all, it all becomes worth it.

I am now in the midst of thinking if I should not lose that grip of being a corporate person or finally accept that my future is geared towards serving my kids and husband’s needs full time. I don’t have any answer yet, but I know God has been leading me to where I should be. I guess it’s all a matter of patience and acceptance.

I have written this article a couple of years ago…
With some re-touch, finally I can post it on my own site.

‘I felt I could die happily 13 years ago, hearing the
confession of the guy who for months was the object of
my affection. He was not the boy-next-door-type, he
was never predictable, he was not ordinary… and our
story neither was.

I have loved him from the very moment I saw him came
out of the fast-food chain that was our meeting place.
He was wearing a red-colored shirt, and so was I.

I thought I loved him more when all we did was spend
our money, mostly his, and do everything together.

I thought my love for him was far greater when all we
had was each other and a couple of bucks in our
pockets.

I thought it was my heart’s peak when he looked at my
eyes and told me that he’ll spend the rest of his life
with me, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in
health…

I thought I’ll have enough of this love… but enough
didn’t came. There was always growth, there was always
more.

More when I delivered our 7.8lbs son, more when he was
operated because of his tumor (praying and thanking
God that it was benign), more when our son is sick and
nobody but ourselves could understand the worry and
pain we feel, more when we learned that we were having
another baby and lost it after few weeks, more when I gave
birth again to another baby boy, more and more when we
laugh ourselves out joking around, and a lot more each
day when unknowingly we were getting strength from
each other by just being together.

I’m glad I didn’t die happily 13 years ago, I could
not have experienced life.’