They say that people with OCD feel strong urges to do certain things repeatedly — called rituals or compulsions — in order to stop the scary thoughts or to try to ward off the bad thing they dread, or to make extra sure that things are safe or clean or right.

Based on the site www.helpguide.org, most people with obsessive-compulsive disorder fall into one of the following categories:

1. Washers are afraid of contamination. They usually have cleaning or hand-washing compulsions.
2. Checkers repeatedly check things (oven turned off, door locked, etc.) that they associate with harm or danger.
3. Doubters and sinners are afraid that if everything isn’t perfect or done just right something terrible will happen or they will be punished.
4. Counters and arrangers are obsessed with order and symmetry. They may have superstitions about certain numbers, colors, or arrangements.
5. Hoarders fear that something bad will happen if they throw anything away. They compulsively hoard things that they don’t need or use.

I am a washer because I want to wash my hands most of the time because clean hands give me a sense of satisfaction. I am also a doubter because I feel that when I’m not on top of things, something bad might happen and I have myself to blame. I also have the tendency to be a hoarder because it’s so hard for me to give up some things I should be throwing already. But above all, I think I strongly fall into number 2, the checker, for the following reasons:

1. I excessively double-checks things such as locks, appliances, and switches. Also, important documents and possessions. Yeah, weird, but true!
2. Repeatedly checks on loved ones to make sure they’re safe. For this I thank the person who invented cellular phones and internet.
3. Wants to be on top of things to be sure that loved ones and belongings are protected.
4. Needs re-assurance

I need to know all these because embracing my OCness makes me feel normal despite my abnormal actions and feelings.

I accompanied my son in all the sessions he attended. I was really hoping I can stay inside their therapy room where it was air conditioned, unlike their waiting area where you can only wish you can sit in front of the electric fan and take all the credit. Besides, I would like to know what they were asking Marcus to do, maybe so I can apply it to myself. (Haha!)

While my son was busy with different activities that his therapist asked him to do, my mind was also busy sorting-out ideas that my brain produced. I did not realize, until now, that those one-hour sessions have also been a therapy for me. It helped me free my mind of all errands and focus on things that I seldom digest because of i’ll-sort-it-out-during-leisure syndrome. It gave me hope, inspiration and realizations. Let me enumerate some:
1. Seeing a number of normal looking kids having therapy made me realize that it is not really me who caused my son to have this disorder just because being a working mom made me spend less time with him.
2. And seeing these cute and healthy kids made me be hopeful that maybe all they really need is some intervention and a lot of support and then everything will be ok.
3. Commuting to-and-from Medical Plaza gave me time alone with Marcus. I get the chance to hear his stories, tell him jokes, treat him with waffle and ice tea or just hold his hand while walking. It inspired me to always make the most of the times I spend with my children.
4. Time alone is very important even on a very busy schedule, and for me it works best with a book. What I am reading now is “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.” Try it, it will make you appreciate every little fact or details that you usually ignore.

Now, were the OT sessions worth it? Thumbs up! 

Let me start whining…

I have this fear of reaching 30. A month from now I’ll be celebrating my birthday and I keep on denying to myself that I’ll be ending my exciting 20s saga. Well, first and foremost I don’t feel like it. When people would ask how old I am, saying 30 is like admitting that my waistline is getting bigger, my skin starts sagging, my bones are becoming brittle and that my closet is filling-up with loose flowery blouses instead of polo shirt. (Geeezzz!) I know most of you will say, “Really? You’re already 30? You don’t look like it!” (You look like 29 years and 11 months old.. haha!) but then again it is something I have to deal with every time I complete my personal information. You have to agree with me that when you write 30 in the age field, its somewhat closer to 35 than 29. See the point?

Oh my! When reality bites, it makes sure that you feel every little inch of thrust it creates. (Please don’t be inspired on how I make a big deal out of something I have no control of, I love punishing myself… haha!)

Second reason is that for me being 30 brings bigger responsibility and expectations. I don’t have any reason at all to stay immature and act childish. (I can’t stand the thought!) I imagine myself in executive dress, prim and proper (which by the way I should have been at least 5 years ago), with complete cosmetics on and very poised. (Brrrr….)

Anyway, career and relationship wise, I guess I have been balancing them quite well. I have reached what I have set for myself before I reach 30. So far, I am contented as to where I am, how I look and what keeps me busy. So what’s this fuss all about? It’s just that I am not yet ready to leave the young generation. I know friends who reached 30 ahead of me would hate me for this. Don’t worry guys, I don’t see you that way. This is all about ME and the number 30… AH AH AH AH AH!   

I remember when I was a kid, I was also hyperactive. It was difficult for me to remain seated (if I do sit at all) and keep quiet. Falling or being stuck is a normal scenario to me. I even locked myself once in the bathroom with no keys to open the door. 

When I was in Grade 1, I remember my mom crying and talking to my school adviser. I should have been the first honor, but thanks to my conduct which was B-, I was disqualified in the honor roll. (gosh… now I understand how frustrated my mom was). All throughout my elementary and high school days, although I was consistently in the top 10, I was always noisy and talkative. (To think that at that time, I was wondering why I was not getting a Christian Living award! Poor me.) During recess, I don’t want to spend time with studious and behaved girls. I’d rather go with the happy-go-lucky brood. (Aw! That is why I prefer playing with boys).

Now that I have a degree and have a decent job, I still do experience misdemeanors. At work, when I don’t like what I’m doing or didn’t like the person I am working with, I tend to be inefficient, emotional, display low self-esteem and worry about being judged.
I also have problem focusing on work when I have something in mind and I want to do it right away. These symptoms push me to be impulsive and well change jobs frequently. (haha! Plus the fact that I get easily bored when I get used to my responsibilities).    

Am I saying that I had and still have ADHD? I don’t know and wouldn’t want to know. I guess its too late for me to undergo therapy or even medication. And so far things are going great for me, except for some difficulties at times. All I want to tell you is that before we “brand” a person, specially kids as “pasaway, makulit o tamad,” let us give the person a chance to be understood. (I’m guilty with this!)