Lately I am having a change of heart. I used to think that I cannot be a full time housewife because lack of brain activity will kill me. But now, I am on the verge of resigning because of these two adorable kids waiting for me everyday as I come home from work. Maybe I just needed a break. Maybe I would just want to experience having nothing to think about but my husband and kids for a couple of months. Maybe God is telling me that my kids need my time more than the money I take home each month. I don’t know. All I know is that I would want to spend more time with my kids each day. And guess what, my husband feels the same way too… ahahah…

Sometimes there are disadvantages of making your place of abode comfortable and technology supported because you end up not wanting to leave for work anymore. What would be better than waking up late, chat and surf in the internet for hours, eat anytime and anything I want, swim, play psp and watch tv? And far more greater than that is being able to see my kids everyday as they do their thing or just follow me anywhere I go. Everyday I wake up, I drag myself to take a bath and prepare for work because I wouldn’t want to leave my adorable little boy and handsome first born.

Actually, I am in the middle of a big decision right now, that is, to continue working or to stay at home. Well, actually I don’t really have a choice. Haha! Our monthly expenses are so huge that giving up my decent monthly salary and good benefits would mean a lot of adjustments and sacrifices not only for me but also for my husband and kids. Worse it could mean giving up our condo, transferring Marcus to a public school or cutting down our budget for food. Definitely I wouldn’t want any of that!

Choosing between two important thing is really hard, but what makes it even harder is when the one you really want is actually not the best choice.

Gary and I literally started out with nothing. We began our journey as a couple full of love in our hearts, plans on our minds but a few cents on our pockets. It was Gary who initially felt financial pressure as he was about to support a studying wife and a growing son. Ten years after, we could only laugh at the struggles we had just to have a decent life. That, I think, is the advantage of experiencing life’s challenges rather than having everything in place from the very start. Well it may not necessarily work for every couple, we were just fortunate and blessed that a lot of our sacrifices paved way to a better life. A better life for me now doesn’t mean that I am rich enough to stop working and stay at home to watch over my kids. My husband and I still have to work hard to be able to take home enough monthly salary. Neither does it mean that all our needs are already met that we need not buy anything anymore. It’s all about seeing our kids experience life a lot better than my husband and I did when we were young. Our kids are not aware that what they are getting right now cannot be easily provided by a minimum waged earner. And that selflessness is a virtue that we as their parents have learned over the years. Yes! We can now buy a lot of things that previously we felt guilty about, or that we cannot really afford. No! We’re not rich as not to think twice before we spend our cash. But with God’s blessings and continuous hard work, we’re getting there.

I have written this article a couple of years ago…
With some re-touch, finally I can post it on my own site.

‘I felt I could die happily 13 years ago, hearing the
confession of the guy who for months was the object of
my affection. He was not the boy-next-door-type, he
was never predictable, he was not ordinary… and our
story neither was.   

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I am wondering if my P550 per OT session is worth the one-hour therapy that Marcus is taking every Saturday. Btw, Marcus is one of those lucky children who were diagnosed with mild ADHD and has the luxury to undergo treatment. Lucky because we, as parents, were not ashamed of admitting that the boy has a disorder, we even seek ways to help him. Luxury because I must admit it’s quite costly. It maybe too soon to realize the effect because it has only been 4-hours worth (including the initial evaluation), so I am still keeping my fingers crossed.

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Last April 3 and 4, I attended this so-called refresher course in Hyperion Financial Management System. It was actually a beginner’s course for me as I do not have any background knowledge of this application system. We were asked to attend this seminar because definitely it is part of the audit universe. Testing the effectiveness of this system is critical because being employed in a business of acquiring, developing, managing and operating container ports and terminals worldwide, consolidation of financial information is vital.

The first few hours of the seminar made me realize how powerful the system is. Imagine, the unadjusted trial balance can easily be uploaded from SAP to Hyperion (that is if accounts have been matched) and the consolidated report can be generated anytime at any form management would prefer. If you would ask me why not use SAP for consolidation, the answer is simple, other subsidiaries do not have SAP. The seminar was going smoothly not until the subject-matter expert started explaining the system in detail. No problem with access, integration and other IT issues, it was the financial terms that made the blood as if drip from my nose. (nose bleed! Haha!). I was the only non-CPA in the list of attendees. This scenario reminds me again what the heck am I doing in audit? I barely passed my Accounting 1 & 2 in college. Yes I love math and I am good at it. But Accounting is something else. It is not really much on mathematics because all you have to deal with is plus/minus (debit/credit). The problem is what you put as debit may not necessarily be, given the accounting standards. I think this is the competency that I will never be (and never want to be) proficient with. The irony of it is that if I continue being an auditor, even IT auditor for that matter, I know that accounting will bug me for the rest of my life.

Married couples, more often than not, celebrate the anniversary of their wedding day. If this is a rule then, Gary and I are not complying. It’s not because we don’t want to honor the day we tied the knot, it’s just that we have a different date in mind.

April 3, 1995 was the day that we became special friends. This date is very important to us because we both believe that it was the day that God made us one. Our civil and church weddings just formalized our union for legal and religious conformity, the reason why we seldom mark their dates.

Now, 13 years and 2 kids after, a fancy dinner ahead in mind, Gary and I are still overwhelmed with this relationship that God has blessed us with. We continue to seek God’s unending grace to strengthen more the foundation of our marriage and family.

 A toast to Gary, Yeye, Marcus, Zach and most important of all… God Almighty!

Oh finally! We now have the opportunity to be part of the mutiny. I encourage all of you to leave the comfort of your homes and be involved. What?!

Mutiny is synonymous to rebellion, revolt, insubordination or sedition. But this is not what I am talking about. PMAers from class 95 and some civilians came up with this bar called MUTINY located along Macapagal blvd in Paranaque City. According to the owners, it is the place to “Chillax” (Chill and Relax).

The place was introduced to me (and the rest of my cousins who were able to come last Saturday-March 29) by David. We were eight that night, three of whom are PMA graduates. (Zandro Alvez – class 95, Ryan Cayton – class 04 and David Cayton – class 07). Only during reunions do I come to realize that I am surrounded with military relatives. My grandfather and all of my four uncles (my mom’s brothers) are in the army. My grandfather (obviously) and 2 uncles are now retired (the retired general is now acting as Security Consultant at Camp John Hay) and 2 are still active (one currently a brigadier general). Whew! Want a piece of me? Haha! A number of cousins, who are now part of the third generation, are making sure that the tradition goes on. It should have been me who represented the Cayton-Dizon family because my mom was convincing me to enter PMA in 1995. Oh puhlease…

So what did we order then? As we were scanning their menu, I can’t help but look first at the price of their beer. Their smb light costs 35 per bottle, a bit more pricy than the other bars but still within the acceptable range. And oh! Considering that every 1 peso of it goes to charity, not bad at all. Hmmm… the more you drink beer, the more money you give to the poor? (nice!) My cousins and I agreed on ordering from their Unit Beer-busting treats. It was the SQUAD which caught our attention. Was it because it was the cheapest? Haha! Not really, the other selections were too much for us to consume. SQUAD costs Php1,600 and this includes 1 case of beer, Nachos, Boodler’s treat (hotdogs, squid balls, fried potatoes and nuts), Crispy Chicken, Sizzling sisig, and few thin slices of sashimi. Slurp!

More than the place and the SQUAD, I enjoyed the company of my cousins. To think that we were outnumbered by the boys department, I was thinking what more if more of the girls department were there that night? So, calling the girls department of CaySer headed by Ate Mayen… let’s plan for the next MUTINY.

Did the title sounded like a statement from one of Sesame Street’s Muppet characters, Count von Count (Count Dracula)? Imagine him saying “ME and the number 30… AH AH AH AH AH!” as thunder roars overhead and lightning flash. We all know that he has an obsessive love for counting (arithmomania) that according to him, “When I’m alone, I count myself. One count!” (so funny!) Unfortunately, if Count Dracula enjoys relating himself with numbers, I don’t! 

Let me start whining…

I have this fear of reaching 30. A month from now I’ll be celebrating my birthday and I keep on denying to myself that I’ll be ending my exciting 20s saga. Well, first and foremost I don’t feel like it. When people would ask how old I am, saying 30 is like admitting that my waistline is getting bigger, my skin starts sagging, my bones are becoming brittle and that my closet is filling-up with loose flowery blouses instead of polo shirt. (Geeezzz!) I know most of you will say, “Really? You’re already 30? You don’t look like it!” (You look like 29 years and 11 months old.. haha!) but then again it is something I have to deal with every time I complete my personal information. You have to agree with me that when you write 30 in the age field, its somewhat closer to 35 than 29. See the point?

Oh my! When reality bites, it makes sure that you feel every little inch of thrust it creates. (Please don’t be inspired on how I make a big deal out of something I have no control of, I love punishing myself… haha!)

Second reason is that for me being 30 brings bigger responsibility and expectations. I don’t have any reason at all to stay immature and act childish. (I can’t stand the thought!) I imagine myself in executive dress, prim and proper (which by the way I should have been at least 5 years ago), with complete cosmetics on and very poised. (Brrrr….)

Anyway, career and relationship wise, I guess I have been balancing them quite well. I have reached what I have set for myself before I reach 30. So far, I am contented as to where I am, how I look and what keeps me busy. So what’s this fuss all about? It’s just that I am not yet ready to leave the young generation. I know friends who reached 30 ahead of me would hate me for this. Don’t worry guys, I don’t see you that way. This is all about ME and the number 30… AH AH AH AH AH!   

The first time I heard about ADHD or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder was 5 years ago when it was featured on television. This documentary would most likely have an impact only to those experiencing or seeing somebody experience the symptoms. I never imagined that a healthy and hyperactive child may have the possibility of having a behavioral disorder. But lucky for kids experiencing ADHD nowadays, they have the chance to be assessed and undergo appropriate corrective actions before its too late.

I remember when I was a kid, I was also hyperactive. It was difficult for me to remain seated (if I do sit at all) and keep quiet. Falling or being stuck is a normal scenario to me. I even locked myself once in the bathroom with no keys to open the door. 

When I was in Grade 1, I remember my mom crying and talking to my school adviser. I should have been the first honor, but thanks to my conduct which was B-, I was disqualified in the honor roll. (gosh… now I understand how frustrated my mom was). All throughout my elementary and high school days, although I was consistently in the top 10, I was always noisy and talkative. (To think that at that time, I was wondering why I was not getting a Christian Living award! Poor me.) During recess, I don’t want to spend time with studious and behaved girls. I’d rather go with the happy-go-lucky brood. (Aw! That is why I prefer playing with boys).

Now that I have a degree and have a decent job, I still do experience misdemeanors. At work, when I don’t like what I’m doing or didn’t like the person I am working with, I tend to be inefficient, emotional, display low self-esteem and worry about being judged.
I also have problem focusing on work when I have something in mind and I want to do it right away. These symptoms push me to be impulsive and well change jobs frequently. (haha! Plus the fact that I get easily bored when I get used to my responsibilities).    

Am I saying that I had and still have ADHD? I don’t know and wouldn’t want to know. I guess its too late for me to undergo therapy or even medication. And so far things are going great for me, except for some difficulties at times. All I want to tell you is that before we “brand” a person, specially kids as “pasaway, makulit o tamad,” let us give the person a chance to be understood. (I’m guilty with this!)