Blues with no Clue

My fifth month of pregnancy is almost over and I think I am being hit by prenatal depression. Most of it actually involves patience. Like for instance the gender of the baby. I can’t wait for a couple of weeks to know if our baby’s a boy or a girl. This hinders me from experiencing the excitement of finalizing a name and from buying baby things. Well, actually I do have a female name in mind and I plan to tell Gary about it as soon as we learn that we really are having a baby girl.

Next is my growing fear of not being able to go back to work without me being able to do anything about it. It’s because I don’t think it is advisable for me to go through the hiring process with my stomach bulging. That means I have to wait a couple of months before I can seriously start looking for a job. Yes I love staying at home, attending to my family’s needs and believe it or not earning big (though big is a relative word), but then I realized I am more productive when accompanied with all of those, I am still pursuing a career. Besides, my social life is dying, though I am not really sure if it’s because of literally staying at home and not going out of our condo or because of zero SMB lights nights due to my pregnancy.

Another frustration is not being able to do my beauty regimen. That includes hair relax, body spa and massage, facial and a whole lot more that I am not willing to divulge. (haha!) Imagine I can’t even wear my favorite perfume because I hate the smell of it now. Not even my favorite St. Ives facial wash. I am just so thankful that my nose hasn’t ballooned yet, no pimples showing and my neck hasn’t changed its color. But then again, I don’t feel confident about myself.

This baby is really teaching me the value of patience and has been keeping me on my toes for what could happen in the near future. As of now, all I could really do is WAIT WAIT and WAIT and have the most of what I am enjoying right now… which surprisingly is a bit depressing.